If you took a week’s-dead whitefish, buried it beneath a pile of cow manure, poured pig urine on the pile, tossed in some sulphurated eggs, and then bitch-slapped yourself with the resulting rotted, smelly pesce-bat….it might approximate the nastiness of the past coupla weeks.
If another needle gets stuck in me, another drillbit through my body, another pee, poop, or spit sample taken, or another tube shoved up or down those uncomfortable places…. I cannot and will not be held responsible for my actions.
The man in charge tells me I need to eat better, amongst other things. Different protein structures, different approaches to what I eat, and by God, you’ll learn to eat leafy green stuff. YESSIR! Today I learned to eat/like grapes. One by one, I’m knockin’ em’ down. As one friend put it, sometimes life hands out reality checks that suggest current routines aren’t long term.
I made a conscious decision to not share the reasoning behind all of the recent changes, because it scares people to think that their family and friends, perhaps their loved ones, aren’t always at the peak of their physical or mental health. It’s a scary thing on its own to be forced into foods, attitudes, and actions that are not consistent with 50 years of behavior, and instilling new behaviors cold-turkeyt. However, it’s more scary for the friends and family that don’t understand the process, they just understand the endgame possibilities. Frequently, fears create barriers in relationships.
And so I’d elected to not share my reasoning for this 180 degree turn in my lifestyle. I didn’t/don’t feel some of those close to me can handle it. I guess I don’t believe in their emotional empathies or abilities.
Yet one dear friend sussed it out of me in no time, partially out of guilt and partially catching me in a weak moment. I worried that my friend would shrink from the conversation, but that didn’t happen. Quite the opposite; “I’ll be there for you, I’ll be your coach, I’ll be your ass-kick when you’re not doin’ it right. I’m bothered you’d keep this from me.”
At the end of the day, it boils down to trust, and trust isn’t something I’m comfortable with sharing. And I made a mistake in not trusting my gut. I made the mistake of not believing they’d be there to support the changes in my life.
My lesson for the week; Trust your friends, fear zero/be. Love is found in the most unexpected places.